dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
