I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You've changed since you got that strap on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
