i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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