I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize