If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
