just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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