Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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