just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
