note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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