Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will pee on everything he values.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
