Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
are you so shy because you have an std?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
