Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize