It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
