I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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