my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize