If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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