if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
