no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
