sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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