No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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