How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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