You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
