Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize