I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
