can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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