Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
