yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
