i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
