One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ugly people sure do ruin things
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
