are you still at the devil's house?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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