You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
