Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
