put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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