are you so shy because you have an std?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
