every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
