If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We need to get me chipped asap
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