Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
