My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
