Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
