clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
