I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
