i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Enjoy the penises
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
