Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
