i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
