imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
