Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
