He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
