if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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