i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize