at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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