I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
