He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
