he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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