Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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