CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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