Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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