She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your cock deserves a montage
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
