he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
