four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
