First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
