No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
