you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
