I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
