I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
