well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
