Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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