Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
