So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
