You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
