Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
