i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize