if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
