Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what day is it and did you see me today?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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