genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
