Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
