Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize