Please, let me fuck your mom
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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