she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
