Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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