He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
