Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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