the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
