So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
