He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
