Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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