ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
