We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
