barbara walters just said penis...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
