i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
