how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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