you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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