Umm I'm too high to move.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
